Memo to Mark Burnett: creator, producer of TV reality hits “Survivor,” “The Apprentice” “Bully Beatdown,” and chief architect for the dumbing down of America
From: M.D Kittle, bureau chief Wisconsin Reporter
Re: Can’t miss new reality show – GAB TV
Dear Mr. Burnett,
I have watched the explosion of your career, if not your television productions, over the past decade-plus. I commend you on the success of your reality show franchises, not the least of which, “Survivor,” still kicking it in the Neilsen ratings more than a dozen years after its debut.
You have given the American TV viewer so much.
You kept Jeff Foxworthy relevant, if not funny, much longer than the host of “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader” had a right.
You brought us The Donald’s hair in high definition network TV.
You allowed us to watch Sarah Palin shoot things — a lot of things — without ever leaving our La-Z-Boys.
Of course, you did pass up the golden opportunity of “Celebrity Boxing,” the show that gave American TV viewers the great privilege of seeing “Saved By the Bell’s” Dustin “Screech” Diamond kick the crap out of Ron “Horshack” Palillo, from “Welcome Back Kotter.”
Mr. Burnett, I implore you not to miss what surely will be an instant reality TV classic.
I refer to what I like to call GAB TV — or Government Accountability Board TV, if you’re nasty.
The GAB, Wisconsin’s nonpartisan elections and campaigns watchdog, installed a webcam to capture in real time the counting, filing, paper shuffling, data entry, document scanning and eventual reviewing of the 309,000-plus petitions filed by the Democratic Party of Wisconsin and its liberal political action committee pals, United Wisconsin, in recall campaigns against Gov. Scott Walker, Lt. Gov. Rebecca Kleefisch and four Republican senators.
Wait, it gets hotter!
The camera is constantly trained on a hardy group of temp workers writing things, typing things, filing things, among other things, at tables in an at-present undisclosed location.
“Workers on the camera are currently scanning petition pages so that electronic copies can be provided to incumbents and made available to the public,” states the GAB website page titled “About the Recall Webcam. “Elsewhere at the center, workers are opening boxes and organizing the petitions in packets of 50 pages in preparation for scanning.”
Electronic copies and “incumbents? Oh no they didn’t! Oh, yes, they did.
Right now, GAB staff members and temporary workers are toiling side by side on two shifts, from 7 a.m. until 11 p.m.
It’s like “Ed TV,” sans the attractive people. So, I guess, it’s more like MSNBC's The “Ed Show.”
There’s no sound. Just action — full throttle, no-holds-barred, sultry government accountability action! Think “The Artist”, without the accents.
Mr. Burnett, I tell you this — Wisconsin is captivated. Not just the people who believe the GAB is a front for the KGB, but viewers who love and demand all things reality TV.
OK, so GAB spokesman Reid Magney has said the webcam coverage is kind of like watching paint dry. What does that guy know about hits? Has Magney ever had to make sense out of Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green? I think not.
Wisconsin voters know a hit, sir, and GAB TV is it.
Tune in right now and you will see a compelling cast of characters.
There’s “Hanging Chad,” the redhead with the blue ballpoint pen. Goatee Black Slacks, the guy with the goatee and black slacks. Camera Shy McCutie, the professional looking blond, making a series of coquettish glances at the webcam, a small-town girl with big-city dreams. White Collar, a cool, distant data entry man with a chip on his shoulder. Wandering Mike (Not sure what any of these people’s names are, but he looks like a Mike and he sure wanders around a lot). Hat Man Sweater Vest. And Uncle Lou, the kind-hearted older fellow with male-pattern baldness and a smile for everyone.
These are the real people, the real temp workers who will have voters — disenfranchised feeling and otherwise — coming back for more.
Sure, they’re pleasant enough now, but how long will it be before they turn on one another, start forming alliances, double-dealing? Which one of these nonpartisan employees will be the survivor of GAB TV?
Think about it, Mr. Burnett.
Don’t waste your time with “Survivor: Mozambique.” The action is in Madison, Wisconsin, in the bowels of some anonymous, nondescript building with cinder block walls, where the wildly entertaining business of determining the direction of democracy goes on.
Unless you can get Gunther from “Friends” in an ultimate fighting cage match against Niles from “Fraiser,” I’d suggest you get in on the GAB TV cash cow.
Think about it. Let’s do lunch. I’ll have my people get in touch with your people.
Regards,
M.D. Kittle
Wisconsin Reporter
COMMENTARY: Wisconsin’s GAB equals reality TV
January 20th, 2012Memo to Mark Burnett: creator, producer of TV reality hits “Survivor,” “The Apprentice” “Bully Beatdown,” and chief architect for the dumbing down of America
From: M.D Kittle, bureau chief Wisconsin Reporter
Re: Can’t miss new reality show – GAB TV
Dear Mr. Burnett,
I have watched the explosion of your career, if not your television productions, over the past decade-plus. I commend you on the success of your reality show franchises, not the least of which, “Survivor,” still kicking it in the Neilsen ratings more than a dozen years after its debut.
You have given the American TV viewer so much.
You kept Jeff Foxworthy relevant, if not funny, much longer than the host of “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader” had a right.
You brought us The Donald’s hair in high definition network TV.
You allowed us to watch Sarah Palin shoot things — a lot of things — without ever leaving our La-Z-Boys.
Of course, you did pass up the golden opportunity of “Celebrity Boxing,” the show that gave American TV viewers the great privilege of seeing “Saved By the Bell’s” Dustin “Screech” Diamond kick the crap out of Ron “Horshack” Palillo, from “Welcome Back Kotter.”
Mr. Burnett, I implore you not to miss what surely will be an instant reality TV classic.
I refer to what I like to call GAB TV — or Government Accountability Board TV, if you’re nasty.
The GAB, Wisconsin’s nonpartisan elections and campaigns watchdog, installed a webcam to capture in real time the counting, filing, paper shuffling, data entry, document scanning and eventual reviewing of the 309,000-plus petitions filed by the Democratic Party of Wisconsin and its liberal political action committee pals, United Wisconsin, in recall campaigns against Gov. Scott Walker, Lt. Gov. Rebecca Kleefisch and four Republican senators.
Wait, it gets hotter!
The camera is constantly trained on a hardy group of temp workers writing things, typing things, filing things, among other things, at tables in an at-present undisclosed location.
“Workers on the camera are currently scanning petition pages so that electronic copies can be provided to incumbents and made available to the public,” states the GAB website page titled “About the Recall Webcam. “Elsewhere at the center, workers are opening boxes and organizing the petitions in packets of 50 pages in preparation for scanning.”
Electronic copies and “incumbents? Oh no they didn’t! Oh, yes, they did.
Right now, GAB staff members and temporary workers are toiling side by side on two shifts, from 7 a.m. until 11 p.m.
It’s like “Ed TV,” sans the attractive people. So, I guess, it’s more like MSNBC's The “Ed Show.”
There’s no sound. Just action — full throttle, no-holds-barred, sultry government accountability action! Think “The Artist”, without the accents.
Mr. Burnett, I tell you this — Wisconsin is captivated. Not just the people who believe the GAB is a front for the KGB, but viewers who love and demand all things reality TV.
OK, so GAB spokesman Reid Magney has said the webcam coverage is kind of like watching paint dry. What does that guy know about hits? Has Magney ever had to make sense out of Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green? I think not.
Wisconsin voters know a hit, sir, and GAB TV is it.
Tune in right now and you will see a compelling cast of characters.
There’s “Hanging Chad,” the redhead with the blue ballpoint pen. Goatee Black Slacks, the guy with the goatee and black slacks. Camera Shy McCutie, the professional looking blond, making a series of coquettish glances at the webcam, a small-town girl with big-city dreams. White Collar, a cool, distant data entry man with a chip on his shoulder. Wandering Mike (Not sure what any of these people’s names are, but he looks like a Mike and he sure wanders around a lot). Hat Man Sweater Vest. And Uncle Lou, the kind-hearted older fellow with male-pattern baldness and a smile for everyone.
These are the real people, the real temp workers who will have voters — disenfranchised feeling and otherwise — coming back for more.
Sure, they’re pleasant enough now, but how long will it be before they turn on one another, start forming alliances, double-dealing? Which one of these nonpartisan employees will be the survivor of GAB TV?
Think about it, Mr. Burnett.
Don’t waste your time with “Survivor: Mozambique.” The action is in Madison, Wisconsin, in the bowels of some anonymous, nondescript building with cinder block walls, where the wildly entertaining business of determining the direction of democracy goes on.
Unless you can get Gunther from “Friends” in an ultimate fighting cage match against Niles from “Fraiser,” I’d suggest you get in on the GAB TV cash cow.
Think about it. Let’s do lunch. I’ll have my people get in touch with your people.
Regards,
M.D. Kittle
Wisconsin Reporter